|
[05 Jul 2011|10:04am] |
|
Sometimes, I have to remind myself of the good parts, so I don't think I'm completely crazy for sticking around awhile during the bad.
Parts like, sharing The Perks of Being a Wallflower, or Life As A House. Or the reason he stopped smoking.
They're not always enough, but it's good when we can teach and learn from the people in our lives. Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[01 Feb 2011|10:31pm] |
So I love the fact that my roommate is studying french for her class tomorrow. It just reminds me of all the possibilities of life, like how after school in normal life, people decide to do things like take up a foreign language, for FUN!, and it doesn't make them feel like they're losing their minds, or consume all of their time. (Notice the reference to my hellish days of getting through la clase de espanol?) Si. I just think it's kind of awesome.
Krispy Kreme donuts are also awesome. (I consumed a glazed with chocolate frosting, and the totally under-rated blueberry cake donut with glaze.) Buuut my body won't think it's awesome, as eventually we're going to hit the ridiculously warm weather here and not be wearing coats and sweaters anymore.
Okay back to good stuff. I love getting to go to community group on Tuesday. And I like that tomorrow is the halfway point of the week! :) Weekends are my favorites. Also I think Thursday is new Grey's anatomy again, woohoo!
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[19 Dec 2010|06:34pm] |
|
So, someone stole my iPhone on Friday night. I was/am not a happy camper, buuuut what can I do about it? So. There's that. I'm on the internet obviously, but I feel so disconnected from the world. And it makes it really darn hard to make plans in FB messages. I know it was like that in like middle school, but I had a land line at my house then, haha.
|
|
2 You're killing me smallss| How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[21 Nov 2010|12:04am] |
I updated my tumblr with this: (I feel the need to share because now I'm tired, and I know that I haven't written in here in a bit, and this is what's going on in my head.)
Insert John Mayer singing “something’s missing, and I don’t know what it is” here.
I’m happy. Really happy. I love Tallahassee, I love my friends, I have a great living situation right now. I was in a crappy work situation, but I’m starting a new one Monday. There are friends visiting from out of town this weekend, we’re all going to church together in the morning. I get to indulge in stupid tv shows I like to keep up with. I’ve gotten to read YA fiction from some of my favorite authors because I live where a good library is now. I get to see family this week, and spend Thanksgiving with them. I’m so blessed, and God has taken such good care of me, even when I’m too selfish to realize it..but (and of course there’s always a but,) I feel like something’s missing. The muse. I keep trying to write and the words aren’t there. It’s so much easier to write when my head is cloudy and I’m a little bit in a daze in and out of daydreams and I know it’s horrible to work off of something like that. I can’t live like scraping by from one failed attraction to the next, strung out far and few over the years, but…I just. Ugh. Maybe it’s the reference that feels too real, that I’m going to be the Katherine Heigl in my own life version of 27 Dresses. (Ding ding ding, The Good Life’s “Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride.”) I mean, of course I am no way near close to being ready to be a bride, but have I even reached girlfriend material yet? I’m really shedding out the personal stuff right now, no filter, no censoring. The thing is, faced with it, I could handle it…a life on my own, finding joy in family and friends and pets. I got scared when I hit college, I spent most of my little kid life swearing I wasn’t going to get married or ever have babies. And then I started loving kids, and it freaked me out, how did that happen? And the stupid side of my brain plays with the idea that what if I jinxed myself with those years of swearing off marriage and parenthood? Ok. This is happening far too often. I think it’s the transitional stage of life I’m in. I don’t even know what I’m transitioning into. I don’t know how to know when the transition is over? What am I even adjusting and getting acclimated with? I don’t know. What I do know is that every other week I’m having to talk myself out of a quarter life crisis. I’ll be twenty three in THREE days. I feel like I just turned 18. Or something. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. All I ever wanted to be was happy, and to help people. Those are the two biggest goals. I know your answer to getting to see your life in the crystal ball is supposed to be no, the uncertainty of the future, of tomorrow even is what’s supposed to make life exciting, buuut sometimes I’m just curious: am I going to share my life with someone someday? Do you ever have moments where you think gosh, this is beautiful (like when you’re traveling and you see a cool tourist destination, or you’re at the beach and the orange and pink of the sunset is glistening on smooth waves, or when the sky is really clear and the stars are actually twinkling and the air is cool enough to see your breath), but man it would be cool if there was someone I was sharing this moment with? I don’t know if that’s normal or it’s a codependent thought. See, am I crazy? I can’t even process a thought of sharing a moment with someone without thinking that it tears down levels of independence. Okay, so maybe I am a little bit crazy. I mean, it’s not like I’m collecting all these moments and not enjoying them while they’re happening because some future person is going to make them better. Quite the opposite actually because how do you know if some amazing things that happen will ever be repeated in your lifetime? But I do want to spend a holiday with someone, and special moments, or have really ordinary moments seem special because they’re being shared.
Ok, see this is why I don’t update my ridiculous stream of conscious nonsense. It is a mess. Like me.
John Mayer’s playing in my head right now from my birthday freakout.
“I know I can’t, but honestly won’t someone stop this train. So scared of getting older, I’m only good at being young.”
|
|
1 You're killing me smalls| How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[14 Nov 2010|03:51pm] |
|
I'm never completely satisfied with myself, but this weekend, well yesterday especially I was the least self-conscious I'd been in a long time. I just don't care sometimes, not to the obnoxious extent, but I'm not worried about what anyone around me is thinking. I love days when I feel comfortable in my own skin.
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
| The Romantics |
[05 Sep 2010|12:49pm] |
|
I have to say the trailer to “The Romantics” left me with a much different feeling, than I had after finishing the novel by Galt Niederhoffer. I feel sort of unsettled from the book, but the film has this hearty glow to it, the idea I had when I first started reading it actually. I didn’t really feel sorry for Lila, or even really like her character while reading, but I don’t know if I’d walk away with that same idea from the movie. Anyone else out there read it? Anticipating seeing the film?
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[17 Aug 2010|09:52am] |
I typed this entry about nostalgia on my tumblr the other night. I was kind of stuck deep in it, before I found out that night that Mrs.Terri died, before I left the house to surround myself with other people, instead of occupying my time with reading Prep, and cleaning my room. I do this scavenger hunt type thing with myself sometimes. It's so hard not to because the internet is like a treasure chest of my youth, if you know where to look. So, I started reading old LJ entries, my own and others. Even if I don't have a way to read all the old endless instant messaging conversations that overload floppy disks, it doesn't matter - I remember what was in them.
Something Corporate is kind of like a heartfull of nostalgia. I started listening to them when I was in middle school. I was thirteen. Now this sounds melodramatic, but do you remember what it was like before you could drive and you were at the mercy of asking someone else for rides all the time? (Particularly, my parents in my case.) I remember thinking when I was older, when I could drive away when I wanted to, I wouldn't feel the same things I did then. I may not have always understood my feelings, but they were deep and strong feelings that overwhelmed me most of the time. So, in all that spare time, especially in the summertime when I couldn't sleep, and I didn't have anywhere to go, and boys I had crushes on teased me about driving over to chat in the driveway, I listened to Something Corporate (and Dashboard - I know...so typical, right?) for seriously, countless hours. I felt understood, it was this wild outlet like I'd never known. When we were in tenth grade (maybe ninth? I think), Theresa and I went to see them at House of Blues in Orlando. I got tears in my eyes when they played "Konstantine" it was like this completely involuntary reaction. I hated being one of those fan girls that got tears in their eyes at a concert, but I didn't even have control over it. I was mesmerized. It was just a completely awesome experience. I remember my dad drove us, and we both fell asleep in the backseat the whole ride home. (He'd had this Infinity he'd rented for work, and it still feels like the most comfortable car sleep I've ever had.) Then I went to Next Big Thing at Coachman's Park in December of tenth grade with Justin, Beth, and Janea. It was really awesome too, a different atmosphere, higher energy, but who would've known that was about to be the end of that. They all went their separate ways, and later Andrew came out with Jack's Mannequin, and I was able to see them at HOB in Orlando with my hermana for her birthday in June after senior year (of high school.) We were able to meet Andrew after that show, and it was surreal. I didn't do anything weird like scream or jump on him, but I was so surprised to actually be in that moment, that I couldn't exactly articulate anything I wanted to say. (I actually got to see them play again in spring of my freshman year with Kirsten and several other people when they went to Stetson.) Anyways, I kind of thought that'd be the end of that after I missed Jack's go through Orlando last summer, but alas - this summer, after I debated buying a plane ticket to Chicago to see them play at Bamboozle - they announced a reunion tour! Despite getting punched in the side by this crazy guy, it was pretty awesome. And we got to meet Clutch and Brian Ireland after, and Andrew signed our tickets. My brother came with me, he said he had a good time. I hope he did, he seemed like it at least. It kind of felt like a reunion with an older version of myself. It was nice to reconnect without going back to the same emotional state I was in when I was discovering their music. It was really cool to get to experience their show, now after I kind of felt like I grew up with them.
Set list, I found online: 8/16 Orlando
Woke Up In A Car, 21 and Invincible, Down, Fall, Watch the Sky, Me and the Moon, Drunk Girl, Straw Dog, Wait,
Cavanaugh Park, I Want To Save You, Only Ashes, Ruthless, Space, She Paints Me Blue, Hurricane, If U C Jordan
----
Konstantine, Astronaut, Punk Rock Princess
|
|
4 You're killing me smallss| How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[15 Aug 2010|02:01pm] |
|
Last night, I felt more like Charlie from The Perks than I have in a long, long time. I found out Mrs.Terri died, and I just wanted to cry in my car for a long time, but I also got tired of being alone. You know that feeling where you surround yourself with people, and then you feel lonelier than ever? (I know, that sticks "Dark Blue" in my head too... dark blue, dark blue, have you ever been alone in a crowded room?.) It made me miss 823 W. Jefferson Street, and all of the amazing girls in that house even more. It's not like awful things didn't happen while I was there, but I felt like I had these warm open arms to cry into. Even when we didn't always understand each other, we were still there, we still hurt when each other hurt but did our best to cheer each other up. It takes the absence of the mundane annoying things to make appreciate all of it even more. Some of the closest, purest bonds I've known.
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[14 Aug 2010|07:34pm] |
|
Billy Joel came on my Simon and Garfunkel Pandora station (which is beyond fabulous by the way.) I couldn't help but wish I had a remote to life and could rewind to this piano bar on our cruise this past spring break. A lot of people I love all together at once, before we were graduated, before real life came and rushed away the four year summer camp. I mean even the cruise had its moments. We were like a family, you don't get a long all the time, but you always care about each other. And in the moment, I felt perfectly content. Just the music buzzing and laughter, and sing a longs. I'd like a taste of that scene for a second.
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[11 Aug 2010|01:36pm] |
I don't even know how to describe how much my heart has changed in the past week and a half, and the transformations it was going through over the summer. I had been so selfish and close minded. There are so many good things I can be doing with my time, and ways to help other people, fun times to be had. Getting to help with the kids was so cool and it really opened my eyes to different positions I hadn't thought of myself in before. I know that God has a plan for me, and I need to be patient. I'd been so stubborn to have things happen in my time, and not His timeline, which is all ridiculous I know.
My brother will be leaving for FSU soon, I've been spending a lot of time with him and his friends. It's been good. We saw Dinner With the Schmucks and did some tye dye, among other random things. It's just been good bonding.
I spent time with Kirsten yesterday. We chatted for a while, and ate tacos for dinner with her family, and watched Pretty Little Liars and Degrassi. We hadn't seen each other since before I visited JD in Orlando, so that was nice to catch up some, and trade ridiculous job search stories.
When we were coming back from West Palm, two of the bus tires blew out when we were in Wildwood. Thankfully, no one was hurt but it was kind of crazy/scary. Ethan and I rode out to Wildwood with my dad and Justin this morning, to pick up the bus from the Chrome shop. (It always makes me smile bc it's all these blingged out trucks and signs.) We got lunch at this BBQ place called Woody's. We usually go to Steak & Shake in Wildwood, it's kind of a family adventure tradition, but this place was good.
At Student Life Camp, one day David Rhodes (the speaker) was talking about detachment. How it's man made. We were made for attachment, but we've invented and placed detachment in our lives. I know I'm guilty of this. When I get frustrated with people, or I'm just tired of working on a relationship, I just completely detach myself from it. I know it's wrong, and unhealthy. I know that's not why the relationships were created in the first place. This summer there have been certain friends from school I detached from. I knew I wasn't mature enough to handle the contact. I was selfish in what I wanted from these relationships, and if it couldn't be that way then I didn't want them at all. I know that's not right, but today I finally felt like I would be able to handle it and I had a good texting conversation with one of these people. It's not exactly how deep in my heart I'd want things to be, but I need to be able to deal with what I can get. I'd rather be able to maintain some sort of friendship with these kids, than nothing at all.
So, that's a big step for me personally. I want to hold myself to it. I kind of almost got to this point in spring semester, but not exactly.
In other news, Ethan and my tickets arrived for the SoCo show in Orlando at House of Blues for next Monday. I'm pretty psyched about that. I hope he enjoys it. It was nice of him to volunteer to go with me.
Okay, done with my rambles for the day just wanted to check in. I've been trying out some other blogs lately, and none of them are really sticking the same way this one does, BUT I do upload photos and stuff to my Tumblr so if you want to read that check out: http://peacelovessunshine.tumblr.com/ or my Twitter (which I update a lot): http://www.twitter.com/meghanellzey
|
|
2 You're killing me smallss| How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[01 Aug 2010|10:59pm] |
So, I apologize to those of you who put up with me for being such a downer. I go through spouts of time where I just get so frustrated, and I purge it out in here in anger and sadness. Anyways, thanks for dealing with me, I know it's obnoxious. <3
On another note - while I may have changed in some ways over the years, I still hate goodbyes.
And on another note, I'll be gone til Friday. I'm being a chaperone as our high school kids go to Student Life Camp at Palm Beach Atlantic. It should be an interesting experience.
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[14 Jun 2010|09:07am] |
This poem, by Andrea Gibson, just made my morning. Seriously. The First Mile
I heard it on this YouTube video of Dianna Agron and Lea Michele from Glee.
Either way you can hear it read a loud, but if you go to the first link you can read it, too.
I think I may have found my new favorite poem.
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
|
[10 Jun 2010|06:11pm] |
So, I had some weeeird dreams.
A) I was being chased by a young alligator that kept scratching me with it's nails, and biting me, and people were just left. (I woke up with "Baby Alligator" stuck in my head.)
B) I was babysitting someone from my church in Tallahassee (but not really because neither of these people exist) and the three year old was walking around with a cell phone texting me complete sentences! Then EEP came over with a nun, and we were going to be joint babysitters?
C) Brandon got married and it was a gorgeous wedding in a gazebo and the flowers were beautiful, and I have no idea who anyone at the wedding is.
What the heck, right? How do I have time for all of this in my subconscious?
|
|
How can I have s'more If I haven't had anything yet?
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
urlilraingurl's journal